The birds, the bees, and Naruto
by PrettyAnimeKitty
Summary: Naruto has a question and, as we all know, once that happens, no one is safe. Slight SasuSaku


Naruto's question

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Sasuke and Sakura were at Team 7's usual meeting place. Sakura was sitting on the wooden ground, her head pressed against the Uchiha's mid-calf. And Sasuke was trying to fight off a blush by occupying himself by twirling a kunai around his index finger. Everything was calm until…

"SASUKE-TEME! SAKURA-CHAN!" Both ninja turned to a waving blonde who was running towards them. Naruto grinned when he reached the spot. "Hi guys!"

"Hi."

"Hn."

Naruto and Sasuke glared at one another before the Uzumaki turned to Sakura. Sighing, she slowly stood up, rubbing off invisible dirt from the black skirt she was wearing. Yes, a black skirt. Matched with a plain white top.

"Hey Sakura-chan, can I ask you something?"

Another sigh. She picked up a water bottle from her pack and took the top off, taking a sip before answering. "Is it something bad?" Sasuke closed his eyes, leaning back against the raling of the bridge.

Naruto put his finger to his chin for a minute. "Not sure."

She looked at him suspiciously. "Did you kill someone?"

"No…." he drawled out.

"Did you blow something up?"

"No, well, yes...but that's not what I wanted to ask you."

"Sure," she said before taking a longer sip of water, closing her emerald eyes for a moment.

"Sakura-chan, what's sex?"

Both emerald and onyx pairs of eyes flew open. Sakura almost choked on the water that she was trying to swallow. Sasuke turned away sharply from the both of them. "N-Naruto, you really don't know what sex is?" she said softly, looking at her feet. She felt a warm blush spread across both cheeks. And her head suddenly felt a lot lighter.

He shook his head. "I've been asking everyone today. But I can't get a straight answer."

Mentally, Sakura slapped her wide forehead. Great, he was asking the village what sex was!

Naruto continued, "First I asked Chouji…"

* * *

_Naruto sat on a stool at the ramen stand playing with his steaming food in front of him. For once, he didn't dig right into the food and eat it in a few simple bites. The owner of the ramen stand shook his head, wondering what was wrong with the boy and walked off to take another customer's orders. _

"_Hey Naruto!" The boy turned sideways to see Chouji gulping down large amounts of ramen. "Hmmm…maybe Chouji will know…' _

"_Hey Chouji can I ask you something?" _

_The fat- I mean pleasantly plump ninja nodded, still wolfing down the noodles. Naruto's stomach growled, reminding him painfully of how hungry he was. But he couldn't eat until someone answered his question. _

"_What's sex?" _

_The normally lively restraint went silent as everyone turned to stare at the blonde, wide eyed. He didn't pay them any mind. Chouji started to choke on the ramen and it took four very hard hits on the back to get him back to normal. Whatever normal was…_

"_W-What!?" _

"_What. Is. Sex?" he repeated, still not paying any mind to all of the staring customers. _

_A cricket chirped. _

_Chouji's face turned red and he coughed before standing. "I-I gotta go to the bathroom," he said. "Be right back!" The boy made a dash for the bathroom and Naruto sat there waiting with all of the people still staring. _

_30 MINUTES LATER_

"_That's it!" Naruto stood and his stool toppled backwards. Again, everyone stared. Finally he noticed! "WOULD YOU ALL MIND YOUR OWN BUISNESS!" _

_Everyone abruptly turned back to their food. _

_He ran to the bathroom and almost yanked the poor door off of it's hinges. "Chou-" he cut himself off, finding no one else in the room. All there was was the fluttering curtains in front of the large now-open window. _

"_Oh well…" he muttered and closed the door. _

_Chouji peered in through the window from the outside, watching Naruto leave. He wiped a bead of sweat off his brow. "That was a close one." _

* * *

"And then I went to ask Ino…"

_Naruto walked through the doorway to the Yamanaka flower shop and walked up to the counter where another blonde was arranging a few flowers in vases. Hearing the chiming of a small bell that was hooked to the door, she turned around with one of those fake cheery smiles plastered on her face. "Welcome to the Yamanaka flower shop, how may I- oh it's you," she finished, seeing Naruto. She crossed both arms across her chest. "What do you want?" _

"_An answer?" _

"_To what?" _

"_A question." _

_She slapped her forehead. "Well, no duh idiot! What was the stupid question?" _

"_What's sex?" _

_customer's again turned to them wide-eyed. But this time he noticed them right away. He shook a fist at them. "MIND YOUR OWN BUISNESS!" _

_They all turned back to their business. _

_Ino looked like a fish gasping for air. (AN: For some reason that is just oh so easy for me to picture.) Slowly she regained her composure and reached under the table. She pulled out a bat. She smiled at him sweetly. Suddenly the smile melted into a scowl and she raised the bat high over her head. Naruto gulped as her pictured the flames of hell around Ino and saw devil horns and even the pointy little go tee on her chin. He shuttered.  
_

"_NARUTO! OUT!" She swung the bat, him barely dodging the blow and landed on his bottom. He scampered to his feet as she swung again, arms covering the top of his head as he ran from the shop. _

_She stood at the door, breathing hard and waved the bat threateningly at the running ninja's back. "AND DON'T COME BACK!" _

* * *

"And then I went to ask Hinata…"

'Oh dear lord…," Sakura thought, thinking of how the shyer ninja had taken the question.

* * *

_Naruto finally skidded to a stop right in front of the academy. Well wouldn't you be scared if a girl like Ino had come at you with a bat? HE SURE AS HELL WAS! _

"_N-N-Naruto-kun?" a timid voice from behind him said. _

_He turned and flashed a grin to the cobalt haired girl. She blushed. Naruto was smiling at her. HER! "Hey Hinata-chan!"_

"_H-hello." _

_Naruto looked around for any passer Byers that could stop and stare when he asked the question. He still didn't know what they were staring for. It was just an innocent question. Right? He was glad to find no one else around and turned back to the Hyuuga heiress. _

"_Can I ask you a question Hinata?" When would he ever learn?_

_Her blush deepened and she nodded shyly. _

"_Do **you** know what sex is?" _

_Her white eyes widened. Oh god no! This was the wirst thing any guy could ask her. Ecpsecially Naruto-kun! She didn't want to give him the whole speech about sex. SO she did the only thing she could do. _

"_Hinata!" Naruto caught the fainting girl right before she hit the ground. Why did everyone keep avoiding his question? _

_He lifted the girl up into his arms easily. If Hinata had still been awake, she would have fainted all over again. Naruto started walking towards the Hyuuga compound. What? Did you think he was going to leave her their unconscious? Think of all the guys who could come by and violate her innocent body while she was like this. He unconsciously tightened his grip on her. _

"_Hm…Maybe I could ask Neji…," he mused to himself, stopping directly outside of the mansion._

_

* * *

_'Ask…Neji?' Sakura thought as she stared at the blonde in disbelief. Maybe Ino did hit him in the head. Why the hell would you ask Neji what…sex…was? She inwardly shivered. 

"Anyways…then I went to ask Neji after he beat the crap out of me because I was carrying Hinata…" he continued conversationally.

* * *

_Naruto rubbed his swollen eye. 'Ow! Neji can sure hit hard!' _

_The Hyuuga looked at him indifferently again putting away his previous anger. He had totally lost it when he saw Naruto carrying his unconscious cousin. _

"_NEJI-TEME!"_

"_I told you not to call me that!" He hit him hard on the head and Naruto rubbed the growing bump. _

"_Fine fine…geez." _

_The prodigy crossed his arms across his chest. _

"_What's sex?" _

"_Neji? Neji!" Naruto started to run as the boy raised a clenched fist, ready to pound him into the ground with it. _

"_NARUTO! If you **ever** think of doing that with my cousin! I. Will. Kill. You!" the Prodigy yelled to the scared, fleeing boy. _

* * *

Sasuke smirked at how Naruto said Neji had responded to the question.

"And then I went to Shikamaru…" Naruto's face took on an annoyed look.

* * *

_Naruto approached the cloud gazing ninja, still shaking from his encounter with Neji. That guy really over-reacted. What the hell was his problem anyways? He had almost killed Hinata in the chunin exams!_

"_Hey Shikamaru," he greeted. _

_Shikamaru turned to him slightly before looking back up at the many clouds, "Naruto," he greeted back. _

_Maybe he should just come out and say it faster…Ya that might work. "What's sex?" _

_However, the pineapple haired ninja wasn't listening to him. Or at least not much. He could only tell that Naruto was **speaking**. Not was he was saying so he mumbled a, "Hm." He could, Shikamaru thought lazily, translate that word to whatever he wanted to hear. _

_Naruto stomped his feet impatiently but at the same time glad that Shikamaru didn't leave or faint. That would be too troublesome. Naruto shook his head. Oh god no! His nightmare was coming to life! He was turning into a Shikamaru clone just by being next to him for two minutes. No wonder his team was so messed up!_

_Getting back to his original reason for being there Naruto said, "SHIKAMARU! THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER!" he said rather loudly. _

"_Hn."_

"_What's sex?" he repeated._

"_Hum." _

_He stomped his feet again. "What. Is. Sex.?"_

"_Hm." _

_Naruto pulled at his hair in expiration. "UGH! I'll just go ask Tenten then!" He yelled and stormed off the hill. _

"_Hm. Did you say something?"_

* * *

"So then I went to Tenten," he said as he showed then where the weapon's mistress had hit him with a kunai.

* * *

_Naruto stealthily made his way to where Team Gai usually trained. What? He didn't want Neji to find him. Or worse, Tenten to hit him with a kunai because he caught her by surprise. _

_He heard the continuous sounds of weapons hitting a tree and made his way to where he knew the brown-haired girl was._

_He was about an inch behind the girl now. And surprisingly, she hadn't noticed him yet. "Tenten?" _

_She turned around sharply and Naruto gulped when he felt a metal kunai pressing against his throat. Damn. He had still startled her!_

"_Oh. Sorry Naruto no baka," she said and he almost sighed in relief when he felt the cold metal retract from his skin. _

"_No problem. It's o- HEY! I AM NOT A BAKA!" _

_She didn't answer and only walked back to the tree to remove her weapons from the bark. _

"_Tenten! What's sex?" She heard him whine from behind her, making her stop from pulling out one of her shuriken fully. He was so dead!_

_She bowed her head, turning around, "NA-RU-TO!" she said, dragging out each syllable. _

_She pulled out mulitiple weapons and threw them at the poor boy, one of the kunai hitting his arm. _

"_OW OW OW!!!!" He yelled, running, jumping, crawling to get away from the angry woman. _

"_DON'T YOU EVER ASK ME THAT AGAIN!" _

"_Alright, aliright!," He yelled. "What is she PMSing?" Her shoe came flying and hit him in the head, knocking him over. "OW!" _

"_Yosh! Why are you spending your youth on the ground?" _

_Oh dear lord! Why? Why did the god's hate him so? He slowly looked up into the face of none other that Konoha's green beast. _

_Rock Lee_

* * *

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"And then I asked Fuzzy-Eyebrows after I was done being scared."

* * *

"_Yosh!" _

'_Why the hell does he have to say that **all** of the time!?' Naruto thought._

"_FUZZY-EYEBROWS! I HAVE A QUESTION!" _

"_Yes?"_

"_What's sex?" _

_Lee got a questioning look on his face and then Naruto could practically see the light bulb go on in the boy's head. "We will ask Gai-sensei! He knows everything!" Lee grabbed Naruto's hand and started to run in the direction of what Naruto presumed to be where the **all-knowing** Gai was. _

"_Ya, everything except how to be normal…," he muttered to himself. "AND LEE WOULD YOU LET GO OF MY HAND! IT'S FREAKING ME OUT!" He got a sudden flash of how Sakura always held Sasuke's hand the same way and inwardly cringed. _

'_So….queer…' _

"_Gai-sensei!" A man that looked like an older version of Lee jumped down from a tree branch. _

"_Lee!" _

"_Gai-sensei!"_

"_Lee!"_

_And then the sunset came and the waterworks came on, the two embracing. Naruto rolled his eyes and looked at the digital clock on his wrist, impatiently tapping his foot. Could they make this go any slower? Actually they could…_

"_WOULD YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT SEX IS!" He shouted after five minutes when the two were still hugging. Honestly! _

_Gai's face took on a horror struck look. And then the next thing he knew, Naruto had another bump on his head, along with a now begging for forgiveness Lee. (AN: Poor Naruto! Lol)_

"_THAT IS AN AWFUL AWFUL WORD!" _

"_We are so SORRY Gai-Sensei! PLEASE FORGIVE US!" _

_Naruto rubbed the bump. "SPEAK FOR YOURSELF FUZZY-EYEBROWS!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG!" _

"_Both of you run 500 laps NOW!" _

_Lee saluted the crazy man. "YES SENSEI!" He ran off to complete the laps. _

"_LIKE HELL I'M RUNNING THAT MANY LAPS! I AM OUTTA HERE!" _

_And all that was left of the blonde was a cloud of dust where he was previously standing._

* * *

"And I only went to ask Gaara…" Naruto said and shuddered.

"_What's sex?" Well it might have been a little itsy bitsy too forward but he wanted his case heard before the sand nin decided to kill him._

"…"

"_What's sex?" _

"…"

"_GAARA I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!" _

"…_Shut. Up." He said coldly. Naruto backed away slowly and ran._

* * *

"And now I'm here. Sooo Sakura-chan, what's sex?"

The pink haired girl's eyes rolled to the back of her head and she slowly slunk to the ground. Sasuke's appeared beside her and caught her right before she could hit.

"Dobe."

"Don't panic I've been in this kind of situation before," he yelled to the obviously calm Uchiha.

Naruto grabbed a cup and got some water before dumping it all on Sakura's face. She sputtered and her eyes shot open.

"Oh thank god your awake Sakura-chan! Now you can tell me what sex is!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes again as Sakura fainted once more.

Suddenly there was a poof of smoke and when it was gone, their perverted sensei was left standing there, once again reading that oh so perverted book of his.

"What's going on?"

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!! WILL **YOU **TELL ME WHAT SEX IS?"

Their sensei sighed, putting away his book and put a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "You have a lot to learn. Let's get started." And led him away.

Sasuke sighed, shaking his head, feeling a **bit **sorry for Naruto. But only a bit. He looked back down at Sakura and lifted her into his arms, carrying her back to the Uchiha compound. I mean, he already knew what sex was. So why not enjoy this knowledge with his cherry blossom girlfriend.

(AN: this took all day to write so I really would appreciate some reviews. Please. Pretty Please. And no flames! I am not happy if I get flames! Chow!)


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